Bie, I love you. :)

I love you, my honeyboo! You're so sweet! Hehehee. Just being random for now. 

Where were you when I need you the most?

 I seriously feel like giving up on you. I'm stressed. I wanna cry. I'm sorry.

Having you as my boyfriend is my pleasure? I can't give you an answer. Sometimes I feel happy being with you and sometimes I don't. I've tried to keep all my feelings to myself. Recently I found out that I'm just so emo because of you. I'm saying so because I feel that you don't care about me anymore and this really hurts me. You care about your friends more than I do. I feel so helpless now and everytime I emo, you will try to chill me down but you failed. Do you know whenever I'm emo it's because of you? When I'm emo, what comes to my mind is.......

“let's break up.”

Be my boy once again.

Sometimes whenever I see you, my heart melts because you're too cute. Although the hatred still there and I feel like punching you to express how much I hate you when you hurt me the most.

Everytime you're by my side, you only can accompany me and I'll be happy when you do so. I don't need a present or whatsoever to make me happy. What I need is just your caring, your love, your sayang, your support and etc. So please take care of me, sayang me, and of course don't ever hurt and disappoints me. I don't wanna get hurt anymore. It feels really bad. Sucks!

Reminiscing the past moments with you is a sweet dream. But now, it's a nightmare. I'm worrying you all the time. You're so caring that let me sleep and don't wake me up because you see me have a nice sleep. Awww~~ I'm such a pig. 

You stole my heart away.

Why must you stole my heart away? I don't know because of your friends are not online that's why you come and chat with me or whatsoever. I don't care what's the reason behind it because I just wanna chat with you BUT NO ONE ELSE. You keep telling me you want to meet me. You even make me say that I admire you, like you AGAIN. LOL. You even give me a kiss. *heart melts* *faint* You even want more from me! You want a warm hug! Awww~~~ So sweet of you. You asked me how long have we not been seeing each other. I can tell you hun, we haven't see each other for more than 3 months. Of course you always tell me to keep my promise and you will keep yours. Don't worry. I'll promise you I'll keep my promise till you take my promise away from me.

Last night, I broke down again. I don't know why. I can't even answer myself why. Then what make me the worst was this flirty bitch which was the same batch as me for some program, she try to seduce you and I see you happily comment on what she posted on your wall till I post " I wonder what makes me no mood right now. I can't even answer myself. I can only cry alone and seek to God. </3 :'(" and you stop commenting. Well well. I don't want to think too much. So went out for supper with friends and that's it.

Where have you been?

Where have you been when I need you the most? Where have you been when I'm weak and need someone to cry and lean on? Where have you been when I'm sick and need you to remind me take care of myself by putting cloth on my forehead? Where have you been when I need you to pamper me? Where have you been when I need you to cheer me up when I'm down but not other people keep cheering me up? Where have you been when I wanna dream of someone in my dream? Where have you been..............???????

Do you know that the prettiest smile I have will ONLY exist when I'm with you?

It's because you're the one who paint my life with beautiful colours. I realised that after the day we aren't together anymore, my prettiest smile no longer appear on my face. The one people sees now, perhaps is just pretending. People always quote that "Smile Is The Prettiest Make Up" . I believe that. I really do. 

OMG! OMG! OMG! I've gone mad!

Yesterday afternoon I woke up at 12.30pm and on my lappie. Was Facebook-ing then out of my expectation, you came and find me chat again! OMG! OMG! OMG! There's this word "syg" appear when I asked you whether have you eaten. OMG! OMG! OMG!!!!! I'm going crazy soon. I don't know what are you trying to do with me now. Trying to get back with me or just trying to be my close friend? I want an answer from you. Things just can't be hanging there for nobody's business.

BEWARE!!!

MAD WOMAN IN THE HOUSE!!!!

I need you now. Falling in love with you once again isn't a big matter. Falling in love with the others only is a big matter. Because I don't know how to love other people anymore except YOU.

If you're willing to chase me, I promise I'll run slow.

I find it hard to fall in love with others after loving you for so long. Why? I just can't assist myself anymore. What I need now is YOU. YOU! How I wish I could ask you, "how have you been?", "watcha doing now?", "are you missing somebody?" and etc. But I can't. Just can't. I even treat one of my friend like the substitute of you. I don't know why. I'm so sorry. This friend of mine, sms me today early morning around 7am and when my hand phone rings, I woke up and replied him straight away without delaying. As if I'm replying you honey during those days we were together! I miss you so much. I really miss you extremely much. The way friend treat me now is like how you treat me in those days. Slowly, all this will fall into places. I can't expect much from you anymore hun. Don't make me fed up and give up on you one day, my six packs sexy guy. 

Like ≠ Love

Like ≠ Love

Make your mind clear

and

think properly before you confess.

I can't believe you came to me last night and congrats me. I wonder why you congrats me. I did nothing that can make you saying a "congratulations" to me. After asking you, I understand why. You saw this statement above on my Facebook status. 

It was a misunderstanding, dude. 

Seriously so far there's 3 people had a crush on me at National Service camp early of this year and they recently confessed to me. But I reject them all. I post that statement as my status because I want 3 of them to know the meaning between like and love. I don't want them to confuse with the 2 words like and love then love the wrong person. By the way, I don't have feeling towards 3 of you. Not to say I want to be proud of myself that I got 3 people confess to me. I'm not showing off. I want them to find their true love, so do I. Hun, you misunderstood everything! I didn't expect you saw it and took your first step to talked to me last night and congrats me because got people confess to me. I don't want to hear a word "congrats" but 12 words "I love you, are you willing to be my syg once again?". Perhaps you're jealous? I really want to know are you jealous of all this?

Lying can cause losing ones trust.

If you're planning to lie to me, at least make sure I don't find out the truth. Losing your trust like crumbling up a piece of paper. Even if I try to fix it, it will never be the same again, you know? 

Tell you what, hun. Sometimes things aren't what you thought that easy. You got to go through it by yourself then only you will know how it feels like. I've just realise that many relationships can't work because sometimes even when we love the person, the timing is just wrong. Maybe not just because of timing but because of distance. Distance do play an important role too. I've learned from it.

A day to remember!

For the very first time in campus life, I fell down and my elbow get injured. Not to say serious injury but part of my skin was peeled off.

Why I fall down? How?

Here it goes. I was cycling and I actually turned my head back to check out my friend with her E-bike. End up I bang into this fire hose thingy then I fell. Luckily there's just two females saw me and they were like:" Whoah~". I replied:" I'm okay, I'm okay." with my smiling face. Then my friend heard some kind of sound and she saw me laying down there. Hand phone fell off from my pocket and get scratched. There it goes. Awesome isn't? Haha.

I'm yours and you're mine.

Do you know how much you meant to me? You won't know because you don't even bother to know.

I'm extremely happy when you replied all my messages. I keep jumping like nobody business. Although we didn't talk much just now but I do enjoy throughout our conversation. I can't believe you ask me to on my Skype and we Skype once again! Oh My Gosh!!!! Arghh! You're freaking cute! 

Oh well. You're busy doing your homework for tomorrow'sclass. I also don't want to disturb you so we end our video there. I hope shuyee at least still in your heart and your mind. 

My hand phone ringtone had been part of my life. I just realise that.

I just can't believe that my hand phone's ringtone is part of my life now! I actually need it to wake me up every morning. Why am I so care about this ringtone? There it goes. Of course it relates to you, sexy guy.

I still remember those days when you sms me in the midnight and I'll awake just because to see your sms and reply you on the spot. You did the same thing too! :')  Awww~~~ Even my housemate asked me why I didn't change my ringtone for messages?

Because it's already part of my life. Without that ringtone as my alarm, I just can't wake up, like seriously.

Those days I have you as my alarm clock. What about now? No longer.  That's why I need that ringtone to wake me up.

I wonder what am I crapping here. Hmm...

You guys don't have to understand what am I crapping here because I'm just writing it to reminiscing the past. Okay. Just some random post here. I'm bored.

Gone means gone.

My heart cured, finally. But why now I still feel something? I can't even tell myself why. I wasn't the person you thought of. I wasn't like what my friends said. The real me is just totally opposite of all this.

I'm brave. I can handle things well. I can be alone whether I go. I'm independent. I'm a good girl.

Nope. All these are nonsense!

Firstly, I'm not brave. I'm can't handle things well. I'm careless. I scare to be alone. I'm not independent (sometimes). I'm naughty. I'm lazy. I don't like people force me to do something I don't like to do. Like seriously, I'm not the shuyee you people know of. I'm just pretending. I get influenced easily by my friends and that is so true. I can't deny. For instance, the way they speak, the way they walk, the way the study, the way they eat and etc. With this, I would like to stress on how I speak and type short sms-es. I actually influenced by this special person in my life. He influenced me by typing short forms of Bahasa Malaysia and their language speaking. Like when they speak, they do add this "BA" word at the end of their sentence. I find it cute. I bet you guys can guess which country is he from now by referring the word "BA" at the end of the sentence. Try guessing. It's Sabah language.

Oh well. He is just so special to be my boyfriend even though he had hurt me many times. My friends said you're not good and I should dump you for the second time but I didn't. I still treat you as my guy. I ignore what they said bad about you and I still love you like nobody business. I know I hurt you too by commenting this F*** word to my other boy friend's wall and you saw it. You have been sad and cry for the whole day JUST BECAUSE OF THIS! At last, you come to me and ask me whether I still love you. Now I wanted to tell you that when you ask me this question, I CRIED and answered you "Of course I do! I love you! You're my precious jewel." Still remember, boy? I can't live without you seriously.  But I can't do anything to get back your heart I guess. Although you say you love me still, you're willing to get back with me but I don't feel you now. I really don't. Perhaps everything has gone, means GONE.

This is what love and lust all about.

Love waits. Lust wants. Love can't wait to give what is true and honorable. Lust can't wait to take. Love mends. LUST HURTS. LOVE IS SECURE. Lust is selfish. Lust ends. Love lasts.

The randomness comes back.

Tomorrow will be the next semester for me. Hell yeah. No tutorial classes this week so end up tomorrow class starts at 2pm and ends at 3pm. Cool? Nope. Not cool at all. Just go to school for 1 hour class. Waste my time but I learn!

I started to miss my home, my parents, my doggy-chubby boy, my brothers and my friends in Kuala Lumpur! Don't worry peeps, I'll be back soon! Very soon indeed!

Blog is like a diary to me. I just love writing nonsense. Readers, bear with me please, even though I know my blog bores you.

Back to.....

the book of love...........

I just can't believe you no longer love her. I just can't believe you told me you're back to single again. I want to go back with you. I know I'm stupid.

"The woman whom you hurt before and she still waits for you to come back to her is the right one boy. You're in the right track."

Grab me back. I wonder how much you miss me now. I miss you my sexy guy. Argh! You're too cute that makes me feel like biting you. I want to bite you like before. :P Why must you be so sexy that attracts me so much? 

Baby, I love you still. :)

I feel so helpless now. Not because of you. Maybe it's because of I'm going to go back Kampar and study. No more semester break for me till end of this year.

I keep thinking about the words you told me yesterday. I asked you can we get back together? You replied:" like before? Can. Serious shuyee. I feel so lost now. I don't have any feeling towards other girl." The problem now is should I believe what you've just said? Hmm. I don't know.

If you asked me whether I still have feeling towards you now. I will say YES. I DO. What about you?

I want to get back to you but I don't think you can. You seems like searching for a girl now. I wish I could know who's that girl. Or maybe that girl haven't exist in your life. But seriously baby, I want you. I told you I want you and I'm glad to hear you replied " I want you too! :("

Thanks. That make me feel better. I need your protection. I still love you. Come back to me again please. Please, I beg you. 

I'm sorry I can't accept you in my life.

Now I'm seriously okay and am looking forward to a new life. Time really heals everything. Even after chatting with my cousin, I even feel better.

I'm stressing with this one guy now. He actually had a crush on me since January in camp National Service. I went to Tawau, Sabah for National Service and WTH so many people confess to me. Even there's this one guy wrote a love letter to me. I kept it in my purse till now and I actually still contact with him. Okay. Back to the topic. This guy he confess to me last week and I get stunned. I was like "hey! You know I just break up and now you ask me to couple with you?" I'm so sorry to say I reject you. Although you keep asking me, my answer will be "Sorry. I can't." 

Not that I don't sayang you or love you. Because I don't have feeling towards you and yeah. I reject you. Friends? Yeap. Can. Even though now my heart so call 'heal completely'  already but sorry I still can't accept anyone to be my boyfriend now. A handsome one wanna be my boyfriend? Hmm.. No thanks. I close my eyes and I walk through the path way.

P/S: If YOU come back to me, maybe I'll accept you. 

Backstabber, piss of man!

Finally, I've hurt myself to the worst! My housemate ran into my room and saw me holding a pair of knife cutting my own legs. Then not more than one minute later, my church friend named David called me immediately and asked me where am I. He ran 

into my room and saw I was crying.

You guys wanna know why I did this to myself?

Because of this bitch.

DONE. I don't wanna talk much about her. She's a backstabber.

I'm proud to have you, Vivien Than in my life!

This is Vivien Than.

She's my high school junior and now become my so call "sister".

I love her because she always finds me whenever she's free. She always will think of me wherever she goes. Last week, she went to Teluk Intan and she told me how much she misses me.

Awww~~~

I love you and miss you too, TUE JI!

So sweet of you!!!

You know what, vivien. I love you to disturb me. Find me chat when I'm alone.

Alright. Since you're going offline soon, so skype with you another time ya! 

Most of the time, I wish I could.....

Most of the time, I wish I could love you, but I can't do so.

Most of the time, I wish I could have forget you, but I realise that you're still deep inside my heart.

Most of the time, I wish to tell you, I'm tired of loving you, but you don't even bother to care of me.

Most of the time, I wish I could have give up on loving you, but not that I don't love you anymore,

BECAUSE I TOO LOVE YOU!

THAT'S WHY I'M WILLING TO GIVE UP ON YOU.

You are the one who fill my life with colourful things!

When I see you smile, you melts my heart.

Your smile really sweet. *fainted* AHH!!!! Help!!! Hahaha.. Can you stop being so cute? I know I don't have a single chance to have you anymore. But my sexy guy, stay handsome and cute. Of course keep your fitness in building up your six packs. I love you not because of how you look like. I love your EVERYTHING! I repeat myself, is EVERYTHING of you, honey! Stay awesome!

Always ask myself, why everytime I blog, my tears surely will drop through my cheek? The only answer I can tell you my sexy guy is I still love you. You never fail me all this while. I'm stupid enough to still love you even you broke my heart. It's nearly to one month, and I still can't forget you; I still love you; heart you; miss you. 

Jealousy is wicked.

The best thing you can express your feeling is by blogging. Trust me. I can actually write a long bullshit essay once I'm down. Now, no longer. Why am I saying so? Because I've give up on him. So what am I going to write? Hold in there people.

Let the past be the past and leave it there. Just move on though it's not easy.

Today Imma going to post something whereby I found it very unpleasant to me. Here it goes.

One of his friend, which used to chat with me, named Q. Q actually posted some videos on his wall to chill him. Ask him not to be dilemma anymore. But what he replied to Q is so hilarious!

Eh, HELLO! Q treat you so good and this is how you reply him? My goodness. I know maybe it's just a best friend's language but still....no manners. Perhaps I'm too sensitive towards you now. I'm so sorry to say so. But I'm sure you never regret leaving me, do you? Haha. Oh well. It's okay for you to say you never regret because the girlfirend you're dating now actually shows the type of girl that you really want to be with. I know what kind of girlfriend you wanna have now. Older than you, not good looking, the so call "only take picture with her side face" because her face ugly not nice?, bad taste in choosing her clothings and heels, crooked teeth and bla bla bla. 

Opps! Girl, you might get hurt, be offended with my words.

But readers, bare with me.

You're willing to leave me because of her. So I bet she's wayyyy better than I am huh?

One of my friend told me, the reason why you're willing to send a parcel with a necklace inside as her 23 years old present even though she is far part from you is because she's 23 and she's kinda difficult for you to get her heart. That was just an assumption. No offence. But for me, same thing! I'm also far apart from you and I'm just 18 years old AND it's easy for YOU to get my heart by just saying something sweet. Boy ar! I'm saving up your money, idiot! She's wasting your money! I forgot you're willing to buy her present not that she forces you. Owh yeah. You love her, that's why you buy her present. Then, where's mine? You fall in love with her and knowing her for just a month but what about me? You know me longer than her. We're been together for at least half year. Perhaps you're just a playboy and fool me all this while. Let's consider it as I'm too innocent and get easily fooled by you. I'm so obsessed with you, now used to!!! 

Sigh. I feel like stop stalking you two. Stalking, jealousy, loving someone who cheated on you by dating another woman at the same time dating you really can drive a person crazy! Can't believe that? Try putting yourself into my shoe and you will know how is feels like. It's suffering!

Dear exam, I love to date you. Come with me, will you? Books, be my best friend for this exam period please and I will thank you by scoring with flying colours. :D

I know HE is with me! Praise God!

Hati aq da mati sbb ko. Ko adalah penyebab segalanya.

You're not with me

BUT

HE is with me

                        ALL THE TIME

I'm the one should be avoiding you, NOT YOU!

I know you're avoiding me. But c'mon. You've said earlier. We are still friends. You are the one who want me to be your close friend after everything had happened! I'm too innocent to believe what you've said! Hey, avoiding people mcm ini ka?? Chat for not more than 1 minute and said you got to go and take picture with your family. It's so obvious that you're trying to avoid me, ok? I'm the one should be avoiding you right now. NOT YOU! So fake okay???!!!! Fck off man, dude! Disappointed! Really. 


I dare myself to move for the first step and chat with you. Even my friend said:" Don't miss him already la!!! It's better for you to go study than wasting your time chatting with him." But see what I told my friend?? I said I just wanna talk with him for while. Just a while. 


End up.....

You avoid me by saying you wanna take family photo. so coincidence. Not even saying a "BYE!" and you leave. Dude, IS SO FAKE!!! You did something wrong in the past and now you're avoiding me? WTF??!!!! You scared of me because you did something wrong towards me huh??? Don't bullshit la you. Never trust you from this moment onwards. Even your friend is wayyyyyyy better than you. Wanna be playboy also be a good one la. Be a good playboy with good character, good manner. You're worthless! Not that I wanna say something bad about you, but it's really true that you make me think of you that way. Remember what I've told you before 27days from now? Treat your girlfriend like a girlfriend. Don't curang anymore! Don't break her heart.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But you don't have to treat me this way right? I'm a human being which comes with feelings too. You hurt me by saying "I wanna take family photo." Then straight away offline and left.YORRR  Please la!

P.S. I Love You

"P.S. I Love You"

This Is What I Wanna Tell You.

I'm belong to you....

I always ask myself. What can I do to make you come back to me? What can I do to make you come back to me? I miss you so much. I miss you so so much. I miss you so so so much! I beg you come back to me please although it's your fault at the first place. I know I can't have you anymore. You told me you still miss me. You still sayang me.

PLEASE...........

Come back to me...............

You used to ask me "where's the old shuyee?"  And I always answer you "the old shuyee died already." Now I regret saying so. How I wish you really could come back by my side. I miss those days we used to sms in the midnight. I never sleep just to accompany you sms till morning. I miss you when you're outstation, you will sms me in the midnight at 5++ am just to inform me you've reach the destination safely. I miss you calling me just wanna hear my voice and I miss your voice too. I miss the days we used to skype. I miss you singing in front of me like an idiot. I miss you cheering me up when I'm down. I miss you actually take the opportunity to borrow friend's laptop just to skype and Facebook chat with me when you're outstation. I miss those days I get scolded by my parents just because I keep sms-ing, Facebook-ing, even using hand phone to Yahoo chat with you no matter in the morning, in the evening or at night. I miss the days I pampered you and the cranky face you have. I miss you keep asking me to take bath once I wake up. You're my alarm clock. Now I no longer have this cute alarm clock waking me up in the morning. I miss those days daddy took away my laptop and hand phone and I can't contact you at all. End up I asked my fiance which luckily you know her to pass my message to you. I miss those days when I'm having my exams, you keep wishing me and support me. Your words always in my mind keep spinning and spinning till now. I can't stop thinking about you! I really can't!

Baby, come back to me please. I really need you in my life. You're important to me. 

Home sweet home

I miss home.  8 more days to go babeyh!!!

Baby come back to me.

Come on baby! I love you more than anything! Tell me you hate love me too please. WEEE~~~ Remember enjoy your Raya ya! After Raya you got to continue your working days. Pity you. :( I don't care how much you love her, but I wanna tell you I still love you. 

My words to you, mommy!

I cried when I Skype with mommy yesterday midnight. Just somehow I broke down and my tears keep dropping down. I feel something but I just can't tell what is it.

Told mommy I don't wanna study in Kampar anymore. I'm stressed. I wanna go back KL. :'(  Surprisingly, she didn't scold me but ask me to pack my things and go back KL and study Diploma instead of Foundation if I really wish to.

But mommy, you know what?

It's too late if I go back KL and take Diploma now....

I'm stressed because of my love problems actually. Not because of my studies. :P Mommy, I can't stand by myself anymore. I need someone to lean on. God, help!

I don't dare to tell mommy about my love problems all this while. I keep it to myself. Don't know why this time I broke my law and I tell her EVERYTHING and she actually feel bad and sad for me. Out of the blue, she didn't even scold me having a relationship without her knowledge but support me and ask me to forget him.

Awww~~~

Mommy, I love you extremely much!!!

Told mommy, that jerk gave her a nice necklace as her birthday gift on her 23 years old birthday and my mommy asked me not to worry and she will buy me a new one as the necklace I'm wearing now is getting 'not so nice'. Hey girl, you got your new boyfriend buy for you. So lovely la you two. But I got my lovely mom buy for me leh. Motherly love is way greater than boyfriend's love. For your information, you look like a elder sister when you stand beside that jerk, do you know that? You actually look like as if you're 30++ years old but you're just 23 years old. I'm so sorry to say that, but it's true. You look way older than your real age.

Mommy, 

I'm glad to see them very happy jealous.

After sharing my love problems with mommy, I actually feel better. Thanks mommy! You're my best friend. You're an awesome gift from God to shuyee! Lots of love to you mother! 

I'm lost and everything has gone.

I know you starts to ignore me and I'm proud of myself to say the same thing to you! I ignore you too! Always telling people I will forget you, I will forget you. But I always will end up crying whenever I think of you and my close friends come to me and accompany me.

You know what, because of you, you actually make people around you happy sad.

I don't know your new gf which also far apart from you now is fooled by you or you make her fall in love with you or she really loves you. But I try my best to wish you two. After wishing, my heart hurt like nobody's business. Actually I don't feel like wishing. I was forced to say it.

Can you feel it, jackass??

Alright. People like you don't have feeling. You fool one by one. I bet after me, she will be your next victim. I don't care how much you love her, but I'm sure you will dump her like me now when you found another girl you love.

I always keep telling myself, you aren't my prince. You should go with her. You should go with her! But I can't say it out loud. I've already ready for the day we say "Goodbye", but why am I still so hurt when I know you love someone else? Because you're my property? LOL!

C'mon, shuyee!

What are you thinking?

Don't be so innocent, can you?

Where's the promise we had last time? You're the one who ask me to be your close friend! Look what happen now! You don't even take the advantage to bother and care of me! What kind of promise you've made?

EVERYTHING IS BULLSHIT!